BAITERs
(Backstabbers, Abusers, Imposters, Takers, Exploiters and/or Reckless People)
A Note to the BAITERs Among Us
Excerpt from the book, Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World by Dr. Phil McGraw © 2013 All Rights Reserved.
http://www.drphil.com/shows/page/LifeCodeBook/
If the first three chapters of this book have read like your autobiography, if in reading it, you feel like I actually know you and am describing you, then I have some things to say especially to you. First and foremost, life is about choices, and if you are a BAITER, if you spend your life jerking people around, it is because you’re choosing to do so. You’re not a victim, you’re not a “genetic prisoner,” and you’re not captive to your upbringing. If you can choose to do it, and you can, you can most certainly choose not to do it. The biggest problem you face is that you have a distorted perception that what you’re doing is in fact working. But, it isn’t working. It isn’t even almost working.
You see, people who behave the way I have described in Chapters 1, 2, and 3 are generally thought to be suffering from some type of personality disorder. That means they are mentally and emotionally ill, they are not thinking right, they are not feeling right, and they aren’t making sound decisions. These people, including you, if the description fits, tend to be resistant to treatment because, as I have said, their misperception is that what they’re doing is actually working for them. BAITERs are typically very immature, and immature people tend to seek immediate gratification without consideration for long-term implications. You can sometimes get a short-term payoff if you get away with exploiting someone. So, in the moment, on an immediate basis, it can appear that what you’re doing is working. But if you step back and take the “long view,” you can see that, throughout your life, you have never built any relationships that are lasting, you never achieve anything that you are genuinely proud of, and you never have a sense of peace because you are always immersed in drama, conflict, and turmoil because people object to you exploiting them. Another reason making a change is an uphill battle is that you are very likely so narcissistic that you really do think you’re smarter than everybody else and you think your current lifestyle of using, abusing, manipulating, and hurting people is in fact a “cool” or smart way to live and to get you what you want. But I’m betting you don’t have any real friends-how could you, because all you see are suckers and targets? I’m also betting that if you are honest, you admit to being lonely and oftentimes feel as though you’re one step ahead of getting found out and caught. Sorry but my question is, “Who is the sucker here?” That is not what I would call a successful lifestyle.
So, if I’m describing you and you want more, then decide that you’re going to make a change. Decide you’re going to earn what you have in this life instead of stealing it. Decided you’re going to make a “to-do” list about developing such things as empathy and honesty and compassion. And while you’re making that “to-do” list, let me suggest an item that should go right on the top. You need to figure out why you feel so bad about yourself that you think you can’t have any success in this life without stealing it, conning somebody out of it, or perpetrating a fraud to trick them into giving it to you. You see, if you had confidence in who you are and what you have to offer, then you would have confidence that good things could be created by you and enjoyed by you, because you are worthy a deserving of them.
Now, I know that even though you have read this note, you may still believe you are the smartest person in the world and you can completely blow it off, but I can assure you, now that you have read it, now that it’s in your brain, it may very well haunt you for the rest of your life until you do something about it. I say that because I am telling you now, unequivocally, that your life is empty and you have to look over your shoulder every day to be sure you’re not in some way held accountable by somebody you took advantage of. You will get tired of that if you’re not already, and you will remember me saying you have a choice to do differently. You have a choice to come off the shady side of the street and start walking in the sunlight. It takes guts, but the payoffs are huge. And, it’s not nearly as much work because you don’t have so much to remember. The truth doesn’t have versions, it just is.
Make a choice right now to stop the manipulation, become transparent and earn mental health and well-being in your life by doing the things you need to do. If you need professional help, get it. And here’s a great piece of advice, if I do say so myself. Begin by telling your therapist the worst of the worst about you. If you’re a cheating, stealing, manipulative liar who exploits anybody you can get to, then tell your therapist. Tell them you want nothing short of transparency because you realize that your tendency is to con them too.
“Man Up.” Do the right thing and give yourself a chance and the rest of us a rest because we are beyond tired of dealing with your crap. I wish you the best of luck if and only if you commit to making the changes I hope you do. Take the high road, there’s a lot less traffic up there.
BAITERs
(Backstabbers, Abusers, Imposters, Takers, Exploiters and/or Reckless People)
Excerpt from the book, Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World by Dr. Phil McGraw © 2013 All Rights Reserved.
http://www.drphil.com/shows/page/LifeCodeBook/
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